A guide to writing your inner child's voice

 If I were to write about it,

would it help me solve it.

Trying to wreck my habit.

Am I just being a bit vapid.

Would it make things better

or simply make it inferior.

I have a thousand problems.

How do I decode them?

I know no solution to fix it.

How the pain kicks in,

then ends before it begins.

I must accomplish much

but this situation is such.

I must, I might figure it out.

I wish I had no doubt.

Just flowing through tasks.

One of life's finest hacks.

Come into my arms as you go

towards what you most adore.

I have problems in my mind.

I have problems I can't define.

Problems that wake me

while I am fast asleep.

Problems that go straight

through my predetermined fate.

Do I seek my maker for

a manual, resolve or door.

I long for the key to behave

as it must, and what i gave.

For what it's worth.

Being helpful towards.

Everything above and below

the clouds and all they know.

I wrote about it and my everyday

problems don't seem to shy away.

On the contrary, the bills are

still unpaid, my budget is too far.

Still down, beaten out of luck,

deep down in the dark alleys

of my heart, awaiting the finale.

I sit on my chair in the center

of my world, staring at the monitor.

End of the sentence, press enter.

Speak now my inner lamenter.

Speak before the curtains fall,

not unless you're spoken to at all.

Then what is writing 

if not speaking through my typing

that is the everyday exciting.

It is every bit as frightening.

What if I am the one left starving

when the night falls upon us

and when their eyes gaze

mine, after going through days

and then weeks, which turned

quickly into months and months

poured into sleek bottles of years

years of sweat, blood and tears

years of longing and perseverance

a lot of things that don't make sense.

I've stashed 37 of these bottles

so far, I am just trying to glide

through life as it were a slide.

Laying one next to another.

Like reaching even further.

Romantic betrayal

This sudden change in your behaviour.

Now you're someone else's saviour.

The way you look away, is it real or acting?

You'd do anything to keep our eyes from meeting.

The reason why didn't matter, though

I want to know, I have always wanted to know.

So many questions, the need to understand.

Looking at life through a mirror and

picking up where my parents left off.

My life and relations, my feelings and thoughts.

Through summers and winters, in sunshine and rain.

I have seen many types of pain.

The pain caused by the one we love is

the worst kind of pain there is.

I believe we're all fated to have our trusts broken

like decorative showpieces waiting to be taken

and played with like nobody is watching,

thrown off the table, and nobody is catching.

Will you return for what was left behind?

Did you attain your peace of mind?

Knowing well of the trouble you put me in.

I can't even seek help from my next of kin.

Maybe one day in the distant future, I'll thank you

for making me a better person, who chose to continue

against all odds, in the face of adversity,

occupied with a mission, no place for self-pity.

Pulling me out of my comfort zone,

doing me like I wouldn't do my own,

down and dirty in a pool of misfortune.

I wish a higher power would get me out soon.

What can I say, if I had my way.

And you wouldn't betray.

If you choose to stay.

If my future were not left up to chance.

However, this is not the same circumstance.

This situation's got me spiritually incapacitated.

What you did has me emotionally defeated.

An empathic homicide, a rhetorical suicide.

No labels can justify what has been done.

No language can explain this crippling condition.

But I try. I try to do what seems right.

To express, with my limited insight.

How ever others may perceive what is being said.

These are the thoughts that fell out of my head.

No filter processing my feelings into these verses.

I run out of fingers, when I start counting my curses.

Do I seek shelter from god, whom I never prayed to?

Doing what is needed until there's nothing left to do.

When I am expected to obey the laws of the world.

Seeing all the injustice must have corrupted my soul.

It sits in a corner with its body folded like a ball.

As the hands of the shadow creep closer on the walls

and in the midst of my reality collapsing onto itself

I find no salvation,  no solution, nothing to place on the shelf.

All that I looked up to is all that has brought me down.

If you do think of me, see me without a frown.

You did what you had to, like it is your birthright.

If I knew how, I would fight.

Put my all out there to have done this right.

I was wrong and placed my bet on the wrong horse.

All that has happened has come to its course.

No point talking about what can't be changed.

Crossing limts never felt easy when the stakes were arranged. 

I fell victim to your enchanting eyes,

dreading the inevitable goodbye.

No matter how many stories I make up in my mind.

all the thoughts and confusions won't subside.

I wish I could go back and talk myself out of it.

But even that won't bring around the merit

in life, what we get and are grateful for it.

To even begin with only what we inherit

from the stars in the sky

perhaps that is the reason why.

Perhaps it is not; there's no way to know for sure.

Perhaps I should stop searching for a cure

and go all out instead. If I am still not

taken to the psych ward, give it a thought.

Not like you look into your imagination

for newfound inspiration, motivation

to give back what you have taken from me.

A piece of my life, a place in the universe for me.

A Lonesome Paradise

When I feel lonely

Which I almost always do

I spend time writing

There's nothing exciting

Thoughts are frightening

Insights are enlightening

To hide or reveal

To donate or steal

To show what I am made of

or be labelled as love

How else could I explain

perceptions of my brain

When I feel lonely 

Which I almost always do

I stop what I am doing

And I think of you

I think what you'd be doing

I wish that I were with you.

Doing what you're doing

Right next to you.

It may seem clingy

May even sound cute

I don't want to presume 

I don't want to be rude

When I feel lonely 

Which I almost always do

I do what you were doing

As if it were best to continue

I believe my forthcoming

I respect all that it stands for

I take it as my warning

to make something you adore

I hope my flattery works

for my shortcomings

There is nothing worse

than facing my delusions

When I feel lonely

Which I almost always do

I look around for some fun

not meant for everyone

The task once begun

Something to be done

Counting tragedies

Zero apologies

Look around to find none

Returning to base one

What needs to be done

to its completion

Jaora, 2025

I recently went on a trip to Jaora, Madhya Pradesh. There is a huge area of land called Hussain Tekri. This is where me and few family members were put up at a place called Mehmil. The entire street has four Holy Shrines. Many people who are suffering in their life from mental and spiritual problems come hear seeking healing. I have felt the presence of a higher power, myself being in the presence of all the people looking for solace of some sort, was moved. What makes an experience worth sharing is the magnitude of relevance of the outer world to the inner self. How much of an impact the event has had on the person. The main ritual one gets to see when they're here is the loban smoke ritual which was also reffered to as "Dhuni". Where the smoke is inhaled by the ones present at the shrine. Apart from the religious point of view, there were a lots of open fileds and skies for one to see. Here are few pictures I clicked.  Hope you enjoy them.

In all fairness

About the things that I want

are the words that are said

to forgive any sins of the passed.

Let there be none left to haunt

as these words will be read

to answer any question that was asked.

With a loving reasonable heart

know that I am here for you.

How you would like to interpret

what keeps us apart

and what it would do

for us all to connect.

 As I look upon a new day

born from what may be our past

to think I know what I am doing.

Walking the walk again the same way

undertaking the very mundane task

I feel I am in control of my doings.

If I had a chance to re-do

all that I had done.

Wasn't I atleast a bit curious

to see what I would do.

When it was my turn

to out live the life that once was.

Pteradactyl

 

Psy-kha dallick!

 

Symbols

 

You spin my head right round.

 

31.

 

One of my favourite places

 

Be my rain

 

2.

 

Dearest mother,

I am glad to have this oppurtunity to say, "Thank you".

Not just for the toys you bought me as a kid,

but for how you guided me through the deeds I did.

Not just for giving me a good education,

but also, for the camps during summer vacation.

You taught me how to swim,

that it is ok not to win.

You taught me how to skate

and how to contemplate.

You taught me right from wrong,

showed how to be morally strong.

You were there when everyone was gone,

showed me how to carry on.

Even now your voice like a lullaby

puts all my worries to sleep.

If I hug your arm as I lay

all my fears would go away.

When I see myself in the mirror

your loving support shows clearer.

Before I check out,

I would like to say without any doubt.

It hurts when I see tears in your eyes

and you have the most wonderful smile.

What makes Autodesk Maya the best 3D Software for animation?

The advent of computer graphics goes back to the 1940's where the very first computer assisted graphics began in many different fields across the world.  Initially CG was more research based and used mainly by the millitary. It was only later that CG was used in film, TV and art.

One of the most popular software used to create three dimensional computer graphics in today's time and age is Maya by Autodesk. Created by combining three existing softwares, (The Advanced Visualizer by Wavefront Technologies, Thomson Digital Image (TDI) Explore, PowerAnimator by Alias, and Alias Sketch!), the first version of Maya was released in February 1998 by Alias Systems Corporation. It wasn't until 2005 that Autodesk bought Maya.

What makes Maya so popular with the artists is the fact that Walt Disney Feature Animation worked closely during the development of the User Interface. The User Interface is very intuitive and clear. All the functionalities are neatly arranged into categories and sub categories making it simpler for the artists.

Since its inception Autodesk Maya has been used to create visual assets for many movies, television and web series, games, et'cetera.

Users define a virtual workspace to implement and edit media of a particular scene. This software can be used to create 3D models such as characters, props and backgrounds; to unwrap the models for texturing. Maya is also used for adding controls to the 3D models, this process is called rigging. It is also used to animate or add motion to various objects in a 3D space using a timeline. Once the animation is done, virtual lights are added into the scene to render high quality sequential images when compiled may result into a video. Maya can create dynamic particle systems and stimulate fur, hair and cloth. It also supports procedural modelling and texturing. It also has a huge library of visual assets that can be used to create elaborate and mesmerising graphics. The node based material creation offered by Maya helps artists script visually to create stunning graphics.

Reasons why a 3D artist should learn Autodesk Maya:

• Maya is the one stop shop for all you 3D needs.
• It is compatible with Windows, Linux and OSX.
• Maya is used by top feature film animation studios.
• Award winning films use Maya.
• Maya offers a free student liscence making it financially easier to learn.
• There is a lot of learning material available both online and offline.
• Maya supports various file formats making transitition of work between other software easy.
• Maya is built in a way that makes collaboration amongst huge teams effortless.
• It is one of the few software that support NURBS Modelling.
• Many people across the world use Autodesk Maya which has created a huge online community where knowledge and information is shared openly.
• The chances of landing you dream job drastically increase when you know Maya.
• Learning a robust software like Autodesk Maya will help make the transition to other proprietary software easier.

You should know

You are not talking to me because:

1. I am like a spam caller trying to make a sale
2. Our relationship has gone stale
3. You lost your phone
4. You just want to be alone 
5. I am accident prone
6. You don't love me anymore
7. When I speak you feel bored
8. You don't care
9. You don't dare
10. There's nothing to talk about
11. You might shout
12. You have a doubt
13. You deserve better
14. I didn't write you a letter
15. I broke your trust
16. You want me to call first
17. You found someone else
18. In a dark place my mind dwells
19. I misbehaved with you
20. I can't catch a clue
21. I am very fake
22. We didn't camp by the lake 
23. I like DC and you like marvel
24. I am too much of a rebel
25. I think too much
26. You don't like my touch
27. I broke a few chairs
28. I didn't kiss you on the stairs
29. I am not physically fit
30. I can't go beyond the Aquila rift
31. I am a liar
32. I can't change a flat tyre
33. I didn't write a poem for you
34. I am always singing the blues
35. You have your reasons
36. There are only four seasons
37. You believe I'm not enough
38. With me life might be tough
39. You are looking for true love
40. I don't know what love is
41. I am selfish
42. raisins are called kishmish. (not in english)
43. I hate politics
44. You don't like my gimmicks
45. You didn't watch game of thrones
46. I don't eat chicken bones
47. I ruin things with words
48. You don't have pet birds
49. You like hills and I like beaches
50. I learn more than what life teaches
51. I don't believe in taking revenge
52. I am scared of a needle on a syringe
53. I choose to be the same
54. My excuses are lame
55. I am ignorant of a few facts
56. You make up for what I lack
57. You don't like my voice
58. It is only your choice
59. I lack self control
60. I have sold my soul
61. I make the same mistakes
62. I only eat vegan cakes
63. I am a dead heart
64. I make a lot of art 
65. I am simply a puppet 
66. I play in the shark pitt
67. I have a few mood swings
68. I don't have wings
69. I am broke
70. I smoke
71. I cry when I watch a few good movies
72. I point camera and tell "say cheese"
73. I've watch all the seasons of roadies
74. I don't like small talks
75. I like wearing dreadlocks
76. I don't own a pair of crocs
77. I wear mismatched socks
78. I have survived electric shocks
79. I can escape fort knox
80. I am a living paradox
81. I lack discipline
82. I like the tuna with the blue fin
83. I am my own priority 
84. I have an addictive personality
85. I am lost in my duality
86. I have escaped reality 
87. I am a bit lazy
88. I am a bit crazy 
89. I am not very punctual
90. I am not very practical
91. I am a bit anti social
92. I am a liar
93. I am a thief and a cheater
94. I am a womaniser
95. I am a people pleaser
96. I didn't finish reading waking the tiger
97. Your parents instructed not to
98. Your friends insisted not to
99. An earthworm doesn't have legs
100. To make an omlete you need to break some eggs

I can think of a hundred reasons

and a hundred more

but not truly know.

I wish to change my present reality

can't do that without 

accepting what is completely.

Tell me about the creatures of the deep dark ocean.

Tell me there is a solution.

Tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Tell me the words of the lullaby for the devil.

I'll listen to what you have to say.

Call me whenever, even everyday.

I'd love to hear from you

and tell you that I hate girls like you

who keep a man hopeful yet confused.

Not you, you're special!

bow chica bow wow!

What is evil?

Something immoral!

Very cruel!

In a world

Waiting to

devour you

at the first 

chance it gets.

Evil shows

you how to live

beyond that

which you dread.

Pushing you

closer to death.

Pushing you

closer to the edge.

So you have

a chance

to spread

across the

ever expanding

Infinite.

Evil is that 

which manipulates.

Wishes to

control fates.

Can't give

but takes.

But seldom do we

truely see

the role it plays.

Like the hidden

roots of a tree,

providing support.

Into darkness

it has grown.

It's actions

have a reason.

That it knows best.

Put it not through

your meager test.

There's as much

bad in you

as there's

in me.

As we

lay in the

wake of reality.

That feeds

on consumption

of anything

and everything.

That needs

Rehabilitation

but rarely finds

completion.

These minds

Seek confirmation

of what they

already believe.

Refusing to see

that nothing

is ever complete.

With or without

these rosy glasses

there's a heart

that beats.

Let it sound

it's rhythm

to the ones

who plead.

In ways that

can't be decoded

so easily.

What is life

if not a journey.

Ask not for comfort

but strength.

To be.

To thrive.

Not just

Live.

Spelled backwards EVIL

is just LIVE.

I know you already knew.

These words are just

thoughts that flew.

Feelings that grew.

From the morning dew 

to the sun setting view.

Sown into me and you.

Are the threads of

the old and new.

Let bygones BE bygones

 

Honey honey

 

The mind is a muscle