A guide to writing your inner child's voice

 If I were to write about it,

would it help me solve it.

Trying to wreck my habit.

Am I just being a bit vapid.

Would it make things better

or simply make it inferior.

I have a thousand problems.

How do I decode them?

I know no solution to fix it.

How the pain kicks in,

then ends before it begins.

I must accomplish much

but this situation is such.

I must, I might figure it out.

I wish I had no doubt.

Just flowing through tasks.

One of life's finest hacks.

Come into my arms as you go

towards what you most adore.

I have problems in my mind.

I have problems I can't define.

Problems that wake me

while I am fast asleep.

Problems that go straight

through my predetermined fate.

Do I seek my maker for

a manual, resolve or door.

I long for the key to behave

as it must, and what i gave.

For what it's worth.

Being helpful towards.

Everything above and below

the clouds and all they know.

I wrote about it and my everyday

problems don't seem to shy away.

On the contrary, the bills are

still unpaid, my budget is too far.

Still down, beaten out of luck,

deep down in the dark alleys

of my heart, awaiting the finale.

I sit on my chair in the center

of my world, staring at the monitor.

End of the sentence, press enter.

Speak now my inner lamenter.

Speak before the curtains fall,

not unless you're spoken to at all.

Then what is writing 

if not speaking through my typing

that is the everyday exciting.

It is every bit as frightening.

What if I am the one left starving

when the night falls upon us

and when their eyes gaze

mine, after going through days

and then weeks, which turned

quickly into months and months

poured into sleek bottles of years

years of sweat, blood and tears

years of longing and perseverance

a lot of things that don't make sense.

I've stashed 37 of these bottles

so far, I am just trying to glide

through life as it were a slide.

Laying one next to another.

Like reaching even further.

Romantic betrayal

This sudden change in your behaviour.

Now you're someone else's saviour.

The way you look away, is it real or acting?

You'd do anything to keep our eyes from meeting.

The reason why didn't matter, though

I want to know, I have always wanted to know.

So many questions, the need to understand.

Looking at life through a mirror and

picking up where my parents left off.

My life and relations, my feelings and thoughts.

Through summers and winters, in sunshine and rain.

I have seen many types of pain.

The pain caused by the one we love is

the worst kind of pain there is.

I believe we're all fated to have our trusts broken

like decorative showpieces waiting to be taken

and played with like nobody is watching,

thrown off the table, and nobody is catching.

Will you return for what was left behind?

Did you attain your peace of mind?

Knowing well of the trouble you put me in.

I can't even seek help from my next of kin.

Maybe one day in the distant future, I'll thank you

for making me a better person, who chose to continue

against all odds, in the face of adversity,

occupied with a mission, no place for self-pity.

Pulling me out of my comfort zone,

doing me like I wouldn't do my own,

down and dirty in a pool of misfortune.

I wish a higher power would get me out soon.

What can I say, if I had my way.

And you wouldn't betray.

If you choose to stay.

If my future were not left up to chance.

However, this is not the same circumstance.

This situation's got me spiritually incapacitated.

What you did has me emotionally defeated.

An empathic homicide, a rhetorical suicide.

No labels can justify what has been done.

No language can explain this crippling condition.

But I try. I try to do what seems right.

To express, with my limited insight.

How ever others may perceive what is being said.

These are the thoughts that fell out of my head.

No filter processing my feelings into these verses.

I run out of fingers, when I start counting my curses.

Do I seek shelter from god, whom I never prayed to?

Doing what is needed until there's nothing left to do.

When I am expected to obey the laws of the world.

Seeing all the injustice must have corrupted my soul.

It sits in a corner with its body folded like a ball.

As the hands of the shadow creep closer on the walls

and in the midst of my reality collapsing onto itself

I find no salvation,  no solution, nothing to place on the shelf.

All that I looked up to is all that has brought me down.

If you do think of me, see me without a frown.

You did what you had to, like it is your birthright.

If I knew how, I would fight.

Put my all out there to have done this right.

I was wrong and placed my bet on the wrong horse.

All that has happened has come to its course.

No point talking about what can't be changed.

Crossing limts never felt easy when the stakes were arranged. 

I fell victim to your enchanting eyes,

dreading the inevitable goodbye.

No matter how many stories I make up in my mind.

all the thoughts and confusions won't subside.

I wish I could go back and talk myself out of it.

But even that won't bring around the merit

in life, what we get and are grateful for it.

To even begin with only what we inherit

from the stars in the sky

perhaps that is the reason why.

Perhaps it is not; there's no way to know for sure.

Perhaps I should stop searching for a cure

and go all out instead. If I am still not

taken to the psych ward, give it a thought.

Not like you look into your imagination

for newfound inspiration, motivation

to give back what you have taken from me.

A piece of my life, a place in the universe for me.