Cardiac Chronicles

Come with me

on a journey

to places forgotten 

and forsaken.

Horizons of fear and love.

From down below to far above

and everything

in between.

It began as a harmless expression.

An affair I thought would be fun.

A glimpse of  belonging.

That ended with rejection.

The problem with feeling

is that you feel everything.

The good and the bad.

The happy and the sad.

The indifferent and the mad.

The time always moved on

but didn't take me along.

Yes, I felt love again,

this time without any pain.

It was innocent and pure.

About this I was so sure.

I didn't even realise

how the distance grew.

Crawled into my demise

a phase which was new.

Waited without action

for whatsoever response.

Lost all communication.

Was left with all my wants.

With all the DOs and the DON'Ts.

All the CANs and the CAN'Ts.

I followed my heart.

Became a little smart.

Met so many amazing souls.

Wished they made me whole.

Misunderstanding pity for, you know what.

Looking back I know I deserved what I got.

Each and 

everytime

Without reason

Or rhyme.

I gave 

and gave.

Hoping someone 

would stay.

Trapped in a dream

I made up in my mind.

In anger I screamed.

Pretending to be kind.

I didn't know the cause.

I didn't know the effect.

I just thought I was

being truly altruistic,

but that was

my selfishness.

More or less.

Driving me 

to the 

edge of insanity.

I craved and longed.

For a special bond.

A forever and beyond.

That which I never found.

Those that had to go, went so far.

I never saw them again.

I felt alone and went to a bar.

Drank to numb the pain.

Smoked to feel.

Did everything

but heal.

I didn't even know

that I needed to.

The highs and lows

got me through.

What is, doesn't easily show.

Hard to tell the fake from the true.

There were few patiently making me see 

everything I needed was always inside me.

I might have chased them away.

Maybe they were never meant to stay.

When I gave my heart like it was a buffet,

to ashes I was laid.

I let the tap run,

until the tank was dry.

When I needed some

I could only try.

Despite my dedication 

I failed Everytime.

About all that has been done

I write and write.

It's not a lot of fun

but a clue I might find.

To change an underlying pattern,

that will join the love lines.

I have a belief so strong,

that I will never loose what's mine.