Black Flames

These silent screams
engulf my thoughts.
Speechless messages
they state,
of remembrances
that will
forever rot.
Defining my story,
deciding my fate.
For passed occasions
don't exist
on this date.
Burnt on my back
are the deeds
that I've done.
The ones
I can't deny
to myself.
The ones
I can't
run from.
These quite words
aren't empty.
They have
a thousand tales
to tell.
Blowing out
the light
ahead of me.
Leaving me
in a shadowy hell.
These emotions
stink of guilt.
From wretched
ashes they rise.
Whispering into
my ears
painful goodbyes.
Forcing myself
to be scrutinized
with my own eyes.
Clouded by
shame and lies.
Through shaded
vision i see
myself apologize.
With vague hints
of the truth,
scattered all over.
Having taken
all hits
without an armor
I shout
into infinity
and don't
hear a sound.
Giving in
all i got,
to be unbound.

3D Models

3D Models i made during my free time

- Hephziibah Bollam

Advertisements make me sad.

In the system that we live in, marketing is almost like a life support.

We humans are harmonic creatures. We tend to loose ourselves in the flow of   life. Our mind is an amazing gift. It is a very powerful thing, this only makes it that much harder to control. We rarely reflect, take out time to think about the actions we make. To add to it, we have the capacity of being inspired. So if we see or hear things often  enough we tend to think of it as real. We tend to loose ourselves in this flow of materialism and we don't even realize it. Our minds are bombarded with images of true happiness trying to sell you a product and it's everywhere ! Living in a city, a human mind would be registering at least 100-200 different "brands/ corporations" per day. It never stops ! Everyone is trying to sell you something ! Something with an expiry date (see: planned obsolescence). It doesn't stop at products, politicians sell themselves. Basic services like healthcare and food. Somewhere in this process of buying and selling comes the concept of "profit". Profit can't happen unless someone is at loss. So looking at the bigger picture, the corporations never loose, its always the consumer. The consumer who doesn't gain any happiness or anything else that is of true value.

I felt there must be a force in our world. That for once doesn't sell a product or service rather just wants to make people think. To make them smile and happy about being alive.  That doesn't give it's life to serve as a slave for the corporations and elite. I am a part of that force. What if instead of being reminded that my skin is not fair enough what if i'm being reminded that i already am beautiful. Instead of being reminded that i don't have a house big enough what if i'm reminded that happiness comes from within. To spread the joy of not being sold anything !

You are the sun

On the pages
of your life
I wanted
to write
my name.
To treat you
like you were me.
Like we were
the same.
But i did not.
Turns out
we are not
the same.
I would have liked
to believe
that we are one.
With no faith,
I strive
to be love
at every turn.
Consumed
by this light-less fire,
I burn.
With naked eyes,
I stare
into the sun.
As I look
up from oblivion,
I block out
the sun.
To disappear
into the night,
to erase
all that is love,
to erase
all that is light.
I look back
into darkness
for reasons.
A reason
to rise,
a reason
to fall.
A reason
to do anything at all.
A reason
to smile.
A reason
to cry.
A reason
to live.
A reason
to die.
For nothing
heals like death.
To thrive
from the ashes
of all that
I've felt.
Withering away
into the wind,
like the remains
of the letters
I burnt.
I do wish
to be loved.
I do long
to be held.
Yet I swallow
all hope.
Bury all relations,
I couldn't cope.
With secrets
that were never told.
With images
of us
growing old.
Carving these words
on my stone heart
with a knife.
This is how,
I now see
life.
I don't speak
from a place
of fear
or sadness
but it is
a solitary existence
in complete nothingness.

Existential Pictures

Few poster like pictures that i created through photo manipulation and other methods.

Holding on

Living this life with you sometimes,

I loose direction and get confused,

You guide me home because you’re my light.

When I can’t see anything,

You shine brightly from within,

When I’m all lost in this dark night.

Out of fear, out of love,

When I get crazy and out of control

You fix it all without a fight.

Guilt ridden and ashamed,

I’m a sinner, I make blunders,

You know how to make things right.

In the vast expanses of my mind,

When I was all ready to let go,

You gripped onto my heart so tight.

Admonishing the Heart

Expectations cause pain.
Why do you expect ?

Why do you not listen
to the past ? It knows best.

Arriving at this crossroad,
time and time again.

When will you learn,
how to abstain ?

Is it impossible
for you to restrain ?

I'm trying to make sense
trying to stay sane.

To be able to live with
myself is my only aim.

To be able to
respond to my name.

To save my soul from
incineration of this damned flame.

Look at what i did,
look at what i became.

This is not a gamble,
you bet like it is a game.

You create so much madness,
like you want to be tamed.

Burning all bridges,
to take all the blame.

Existing in complete solitude,
drowning in guilt and shame.

To my share of misery,
you made my claim.

Fueled by love,

lust was your wage.

I had you in chains,
put you in a cage.

I saw your love burn,
in my fiery rage.

Writing my story with
tears on each page.

No happy ending was
ever played on this stage.

My Love like the Wind.

My love is like the wind,
it comes and goes.
At times it is still,
sometimes it flows.
There are times it sucks,
times when it blows.
It has its own will.
When I don't, love knows.

Sometimes it is dry.
I don't know why.
Sometimes it is fast
but doesn't really last.
Sometimes it's INSANE
like a tropical hurricane.
Sometimes it will
make you freeze.
Like the cold,
cold winter breeze.
Sometimes it feels
like a sin.
like your forehead
in the summer wind.

It can destroy homes,
change lives forever.
Like a storm,
disguised as a lover.
When you're up against it,
spread out your wings.
A natural force of life,
is what I bring.
As you glide towards the sky,
teach yourself how to fly.
My love is wild and free,
like the wind it blows.
You can harness its energy,
but the wind will flow.
for evermore.

Think out of the box

If voting changed anything they would make it illegal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_YncKVDAPA