Five Cigarettes

My first cigarette
was out of curiosity.
To know how it felt,
to have fumes inside me.
In wonder, i saw people smoke,
so began my fire breathing fantasy.
Unaware of what addiction is,
remarkable it seemed to be.
After giving it a try once
the desire escaped my memory.

My second cigarette
came from anger and abandonment.
Skeptical about who i was,
I started being aberrant.
I missed being kissed,
so i just made a replacement.
It did keep me from committing murder
my fury faded, I remained non-violent.
With a naive intellect,
I advanced into my own descent.

My third cigarette
was due to social reasons.
I now knew how to smoke
so everyone who did, became friends.
I felt free, self sufficient and strong;
I was a part of a gang of dragons!
Like a phoenix i had risen
from the ashes of my aggression.
Turning a blind eye to all warnings.
It was my life, to smoke was my decision.

My fourth cigarette
was now a habit I couldn't break.
The only time I didn't smoke
was the time I wasn't awake.
I tried to stop, to cut down but
it only made me up the nicotine intake.
It didn't make me more happy or peaceful.
It couldn't even heal my heartache.
I understood what addiction was.
I began to see my mistake.

My fifth cigarette
was full of disgust and despair.
I was loosing battles every time
I said, "I'll quit this time, I swear!"
Ashamed of my weak will,
with my health in need of repair.
I am not stronger than nicotine
to quit smoking, I wouldn't dare.
Life never was, It isn't
and never will be fair.
All you can do is cheat yourself
or answer your own prayer.