Here I Stand

here i stand
hands tied behind my back
feeling hopeless, but ready to attack
here i stand
glaring at the dark part of time
where I have never been yet a place that is mine
here i stand
with what i chose to show and hide
with all my faith and with all my pride
here i stand
with all my excess and debts
without fear, without regrets
here i stand
with all my strengths and weakness
without any doubts, without any fuss
here i stand
patient, lost, lonely and moonstruck
living my life and not giving a fuck
here i stand
with my arms wide open
everything said and done
here i stand
ready to crawl, walk, run, fly, thrive
ready to die, ready to come alive

Somewhere in the forest

Here is a digital painting I made and the process I followed in its creation.

Lullaby for the demons within

To you, for you and with you.

There are so many things I wanna do;
To you, for you and with you.

So many words I wanna say to you.
So many feelings I wanna share with you.
So many thoughts I wanna express to you.
So many moments I wanna live with you.
So many memories I wanna make with you.
So many chances I wanna take with you.
So many cars I wanna drive for you.
So many bikes I wanna ride with you.
So many dresses I wanna wear for you.
So many styles I wanna show to you.
So many skills I wanna sharpen with you.
So many paintings I wanna paint for you.
So many songs I wanna sing for you.
So many moves I wanna dance with you.
So many parties I wanna celebrate with you.
So many nights I wanna sleep with you.
So many days I wanna spend with you.
So many movies I wanna watch with you.
So many books I wanna read you.
So many dishes I wanna eat with you.
So many joints I wanna smoke with you.
So many drinks I wanna drink with you.
So many secrets I wanna solve with you.
So many stories I wanna tell to you.
So many questions I wanna ask to you.
So many answers I wanna give to you.
So many scars I wanna show to you.
So many stars I wanna count for you.
So many favors I wanna do for you.
So many gifts I wanna give to you.
So many hurdles I wanna jump you.
So many jobs I wanna work for you.
So many doors I wanna unlock for you.
So many places I wanna travel with you.
So many forests I wanna wander with you.
So many beaches I wanna explore with you.
So many mountains I wanna climb with you.
So many oceans I wanna swim with you.
So many trees I wanna lay under with you.
So many flowers I wanna give to you.
So many dreams I wanna dream you.
So many wishes I wanna grant to you.
So many messages I wanna write you.
So many friends I wanna meet with you.
So many pictures I wanna capture with you.
So many choices I wanna make with you.

There are so many things I wanna do;
To you, for you and with you

but I know, I'll never be able to.

Application of Chaos theory in Art

This digital art work was created using the dynamics of Chaos Theory.

In common usage, "chaos" means "a state of disorder". However, in chaos theory, the term is defined more precisely. Although there is no universally accepted mathematical definition of chaos, a commonly used definition says that, for a dynamical system to be classified as chaotic, it must have the following properties.

1. it must be sensitive to initial conditions;

1. it must be topologically mixing; and

1. it must have dense periodic orbits.    

The requirement for sensitive dependence on initial conditions implies that there is a set of initial conditions of positive measure that do not converge to a cycle of any length.

What you see here is a photograph of a painted wall which has been edited digitally, adding filters and other graphic layers.

the final output has the impression of the wall which was initially plainly colored. The color painted on the wall follows topological patterns, which then mix over digital layers. The detailed graphics; overlaying of different images and filter gives an orbital feel to the art work.

Five Cigarettes

My first cigarette
was out of curiosity.
To know how it felt,
to have fumes inside me.
In wonder, i saw people smoke,
so began my fire breathing fantasy.
Unaware of what addiction is,
remarkable it seemed to be.
After giving it a try once
the desire escaped my memory.

My second cigarette
came from anger and abandonment.
Skeptical about who i was,
I started being aberrant.
I missed being kissed,
so i just made a replacement.
It did keep me from committing murder
my fury faded, I remained non-violent.
With a naive intellect,
I advanced into my own descent.

My third cigarette
was due to social reasons.
I now knew how to smoke
so everyone who did, became friends.
I felt free, self sufficient and strong;
I was a part of a gang of dragons!
Like a phoenix i had risen
from the ashes of my aggression.
Turning a blind eye to all warnings.
It was my life, to smoke was my decision.

My fourth cigarette
was now a habit I couldn't break.
The only time I didn't smoke
was the time I wasn't awake.
I tried to stop, to cut down but
it only made me up the nicotine intake.
It didn't make me more happy or peaceful.
It couldn't even heal my heartache.
I understood what addiction was.
I began to see my mistake.

My fifth cigarette
was full of disgust and despair.
I was loosing battles every time
I said, "I'll quit this time, I swear!"
Ashamed of my weak will,
with my health in need of repair.
I am not stronger than nicotine
to quit smoking, I wouldn't dare.
Life never was, It isn't
and never will be fair.
All you can do is cheat yourself
or answer your own prayer.

Let go.

Black Flames

These silent screams
engulf my thoughts.
Speechless messages
they state,
of remembrances
that will
forever rot.
Defining my story,
deciding my fate.
For passed occasions
don't exist
on this date.
Burnt on my back
are the deeds
that I've done.
The ones
I can't deny
to myself.
The ones
I can't
run from.
These quite words
aren't empty.
They have
a thousand tales
to tell.
Blowing out
the light
ahead of me.
Leaving me
in a shadowy hell.
These emotions
stink of guilt.
From wretched
ashes they rise.
Whispering into
my ears
painful goodbyes.
Forcing myself
to be scrutinized
with my own eyes.
Clouded by
shame and lies.
Through shaded
vision i see
myself apologize.
With vague hints
of the truth,
scattered all over.
Having taken
all hits
without an armor
I shout
into infinity
and don't
hear a sound.
Giving in
all i got,
to be unbound.

3D Models

3D Models i made during my free time

- Hephziibah Bollam