The Love Dream

I dream a dream.
So vivid and bright.
A wish, a longing
to hold you tight.

The feeling, the urge
compels with all it's might,
to never let go.
Not knowing, wrong or right.

I feel this feeling
I know not what to do.
If I should voice it
and say that i love you.

Steal you from this world
and runaway to someplace new.
It is just a feeling.
A phase that I'm going through.

How long does a phase last ?
How much more pain must it cast ?
Before I'm free, from what will be,
my past.

3D Animation and The Mobile Gaming Industry

Here 3D Animation refers to 3D computer graphics, which are created through an elaborate procedure using various computer softwares. These graphics can be programmed into a game. The rise of technology in the recent years has put supercomputers in our pockets, now we can play high performance games on our mobile phones. With the available market size numbering in the billions, the profits and gains the industry holds are huge !

3D Computer Graphics/ Animation:

The creation of these graphics involves Conceptualisation, 3D Modelling, Unwrapping, Texturing, Rigging, Skinning, Animation, Lighting, Rendering, Compositing.

3D modeling – the process of forming a computer model of an object's shape

Layout and animation – the motion and placement of objects within a scene

3D rendering – the computer calculations that, based on light placement, surface types, and other qualities, generate the image

Games can be used not only to entertain but to educate ourselves. Games have been proven to improve mental and cognitive skills. In gaming, first a game is designed. This design includes all the details of the game. This includes the technology used, game art style and the complete gameplay. Sometimes 3D computer graphics are used to create 2D sprites, which are used in making two dimensional games. There are game engines such as Unity, Unreal, etc; which use 3D Graphics directly in the game. Then depending on the type of game. These graphics are programmed to form a game. A user interface is added to navigate through a game. Other features are added to connect it to the social network. It is then tested over and over again till it is functioning properly. The game is then uploaded on the most popular platforms available; such as itunes, google play, windows, etc. Buying the game is not the only way of making money through a game. There are many free games in the market which make money through advertising, in-app purchases and game expansion purchases.

In the past years many mobile gaming and application companies have been established. The best advantage this industry has, is the internet, which has allowed it to capture audiences all over the world. To make the picture clear, there are about 1.75 billion smartphone users in the world today. If you are able to sell your game at 50 rs. to 0.1 % of the total available market you will make a profit of 8,75,00,000 rs.  

In future there will be more supercomputing platforms that will be closer to our lifestyle than a mobile phone. The mobile gaming industry is here to grow.

Parting with Love

She has his heart.
He doesn't know when she took it,
but knows he is not smart

She knows a lot.
Every word he has ever spoken.
Every thought.


There is guilt in his eyes,
pouring out resentment
caused by all the lies.

In silence her heart cries
since he has walked away,
leaving no room for goodbyes.


They will love again,
they will be loved,
but together, never again.

Who will she blame ?
He was the one who
gave her all the pain.


She made him forget the world
but who is going to
help him forget this girl.

He is never going to be whole
trying to rip her out
for she is a part of his soul.


Standing in yesterday's shadow
writing these broken words
his heart feels hollow.

He can't let this fear go
that she is never going to be
a part of his tomorrow.

Here I Stand

here i stand
hands tied behind my back
feeling hopeless, but ready to attack
here i stand
glaring at the dark part of time
where I have never been yet a place that is mine
here i stand
with what i chose to show and hide
with all my faith and with all my pride
here i stand
with all my excess and debts
without fear, without regrets
here i stand
with all my strengths and weakness
without any doubts, without any fuss
here i stand
patient, lost, lonely and moonstruck
living my life and not giving a fuck
here i stand
with my arms wide open
everything said and done
here i stand
ready to crawl, walk, run, fly, thrive
ready to die, ready to come alive

Somewhere in the forest

Here is a digital painting I made and the process I followed in its creation.

Lullaby for the demons within

To you, for you and with you.

There are so many things I wanna do;
To you, for you and with you.

So many words I wanna say to you.
So many feelings I wanna share with you.
So many thoughts I wanna express to you.
So many moments I wanna live with you.
So many memories I wanna make with you.
So many chances I wanna take with you.
So many cars I wanna drive for you.
So many bikes I wanna ride with you.
So many dresses I wanna wear for you.
So many styles I wanna show to you.
So many skills I wanna sharpen with you.
So many paintings I wanna paint for you.
So many songs I wanna sing for you.
So many moves I wanna dance with you.
So many parties I wanna celebrate with you.
So many nights I wanna sleep with you.
So many days I wanna spend with you.
So many movies I wanna watch with you.
So many books I wanna read you.
So many dishes I wanna eat with you.
So many joints I wanna smoke with you.
So many drinks I wanna drink with you.
So many secrets I wanna solve with you.
So many stories I wanna tell to you.
So many questions I wanna ask to you.
So many answers I wanna give to you.
So many scars I wanna show to you.
So many stars I wanna count for you.
So many favors I wanna do for you.
So many gifts I wanna give to you.
So many hurdles I wanna jump you.
So many jobs I wanna work for you.
So many doors I wanna unlock for you.
So many places I wanna travel with you.
So many forests I wanna wander with you.
So many beaches I wanna explore with you.
So many mountains I wanna climb with you.
So many oceans I wanna swim with you.
So many trees I wanna lay under with you.
So many flowers I wanna give to you.
So many dreams I wanna dream you.
So many wishes I wanna grant to you.
So many messages I wanna write you.
So many friends I wanna meet with you.
So many pictures I wanna capture with you.
So many choices I wanna make with you.

There are so many things I wanna do;
To you, for you and with you

but I know, I'll never be able to.

Application of Chaos theory in Art

This digital art work was created using the dynamics of Chaos Theory.

In common usage, "chaos" means "a state of disorder". However, in chaos theory, the term is defined more precisely. Although there is no universally accepted mathematical definition of chaos, a commonly used definition says that, for a dynamical system to be classified as chaotic, it must have the following properties.

1. it must be sensitive to initial conditions;

1. it must be topologically mixing; and

1. it must have dense periodic orbits.    

The requirement for sensitive dependence on initial conditions implies that there is a set of initial conditions of positive measure that do not converge to a cycle of any length.

What you see here is a photograph of a painted wall which has been edited digitally, adding filters and other graphic layers.

the final output has the impression of the wall which was initially plainly colored. The color painted on the wall follows topological patterns, which then mix over digital layers. The detailed graphics; overlaying of different images and filter gives an orbital feel to the art work.

Five Cigarettes

My first cigarette
was out of curiosity.
To know how it felt,
to have fumes inside me.
In wonder, i saw people smoke,
so began my fire breathing fantasy.
Unaware of what addiction is,
remarkable it seemed to be.
After giving it a try once
the desire escaped my memory.

My second cigarette
came from anger and abandonment.
Skeptical about who i was,
I started being aberrant.
I missed being kissed,
so i just made a replacement.
It did keep me from committing murder
my fury faded, I remained non-violent.
With a naive intellect,
I advanced into my own descent.

My third cigarette
was due to social reasons.
I now knew how to smoke
so everyone who did, became friends.
I felt free, self sufficient and strong;
I was a part of a gang of dragons!
Like a phoenix i had risen
from the ashes of my aggression.
Turning a blind eye to all warnings.
It was my life, to smoke was my decision.

My fourth cigarette
was now a habit I couldn't break.
The only time I didn't smoke
was the time I wasn't awake.
I tried to stop, to cut down but
it only made me up the nicotine intake.
It didn't make me more happy or peaceful.
It couldn't even heal my heartache.
I understood what addiction was.
I began to see my mistake.

My fifth cigarette
was full of disgust and despair.
I was loosing battles every time
I said, "I'll quit this time, I swear!"
Ashamed of my weak will,
with my health in need of repair.
I am not stronger than nicotine
to quit smoking, I wouldn't dare.
Life never was, It isn't
and never will be fair.
All you can do is cheat yourself
or answer your own prayer.

Let go.

Black Flames

These silent screams
engulf my thoughts.
Speechless messages
they state,
of remembrances
that will
forever rot.
Defining my story,
deciding my fate.
For passed occasions
don't exist
on this date.
Burnt on my back
are the deeds
that I've done.
The ones
I can't deny
to myself.
The ones
I can't
run from.
These quite words
aren't empty.
They have
a thousand tales
to tell.
Blowing out
the light
ahead of me.
Leaving me
in a shadowy hell.
These emotions
stink of guilt.
From wretched
ashes they rise.
Whispering into
my ears
painful goodbyes.
Forcing myself
to be scrutinized
with my own eyes.
Clouded by
shame and lies.
Through shaded
vision i see
myself apologize.
With vague hints
of the truth,
scattered all over.
Having taken
all hits
without an armor
I shout
into infinity
and don't
hear a sound.
Giving in
all i got,
to be unbound.

3D Models

3D Models i made during my free time

- Hephziibah Bollam

Advertisements make me sad.

In the system that we live in, marketing is almost like a life support.

We humans are harmonic creatures. We tend to loose ourselves in the flow of   life. Our mind is an amazing gift. It is a very powerful thing, this only makes it that much harder to control. We rarely reflect, take out time to think about the actions we make. To add to it, we have the capacity of being inspired. So if we see or hear things often  enough we tend to think of it as real. We tend to loose ourselves in this flow of materialism and we don't even realize it. Our minds are bombarded with images of true happiness trying to sell you a product and it's everywhere ! Living in a city, a human mind would be registering at least 100-200 different "brands/ corporations" per day. It never stops ! Everyone is trying to sell you something ! Something with an expiry date (see: planned obsolescence). It doesn't stop at products, politicians sell themselves. Basic services like healthcare and food. Somewhere in this process of buying and selling comes the concept of "profit". Profit can't happen unless someone is at loss. So looking at the bigger picture, the corporations never loose, its always the consumer. The consumer who doesn't gain any happiness or anything else that is of true value.

I felt there must be a force in our world. That for once doesn't sell a product or service rather just wants to make people think. To make them smile and happy about being alive.  That doesn't give it's life to serve as a slave for the corporations and elite. I am a part of that force. What if instead of being reminded that my skin is not fair enough what if i'm being reminded that i already am beautiful. Instead of being reminded that i don't have a house big enough what if i'm reminded that happiness comes from within. To spread the joy of not being sold anything !

You are the sun

On the pages
of your life
I wanted
to write
my name.
To treat you
like you were me.
Like we were
the same.
But i did not.
Turns out
we are not
the same.
I would have liked
to believe
that we are one.
With no faith,
I strive
to be love
at every turn.
Consumed
by this light-less fire,
I burn.
With naked eyes,
I stare
into the sun.
As I look
up from oblivion,
I block out
the sun.
To disappear
into the night,
to erase
all that is love,
to erase
all that is light.
I look back
into darkness
for reasons.
A reason
to rise,
a reason
to fall.
A reason
to do anything at all.
A reason
to smile.
A reason
to cry.
A reason
to live.
A reason
to die.
For nothing
heals like death.
To thrive
from the ashes
of all that
I've felt.
Withering away
into the wind,
like the remains
of the letters
I burnt.
I do wish
to be loved.
I do long
to be held.
Yet I swallow
all hope.
Bury all relations,
I couldn't cope.
With secrets
that were never told.
With images
of us
growing old.
Carving these words
on my stone heart
with a knife.
This is how,
I now see
life.
I don't speak
from a place
of fear
or sadness
but it is
a solitary existence
in complete nothingness.

Existential Pictures

Few poster like pictures that i created through photo manipulation and other methods.