Let go.

Black Flames

These silent screams
engulf my thoughts.
Speechless messages
they state,
of remembrances
that will
forever rot.
Defining my story,
deciding my fate.
For passed occasions
don't exist
on this date.
Burnt on my back
are the deeds
that I've done.
The ones
I can't deny
to myself.
The ones
I can't
run from.
These quite words
aren't empty.
They have
a thousand tales
to tell.
Blowing out
the light
ahead of me.
Leaving me
in a shadowy hell.
These emotions
stink of guilt.
From wretched
ashes they rise.
Whispering into
my ears
painful goodbyes.
Forcing myself
to be scrutinized
with my own eyes.
Clouded by
shame and lies.
Through shaded
vision i see
myself apologize.
With vague hints
of the truth,
scattered all over.
Having taken
all hits
without an armor
I shout
into infinity
and don't
hear a sound.
Giving in
all i got,
to be unbound.

3D Models

3D Models i made during my free time

- Hephziibah Bollam

Advertisements make me sad.

In the system that we live in, marketing is almost like a life support.

We humans are harmonic creatures. We tend to loose ourselves in the flow of   life. Our mind is an amazing gift. It is a very powerful thing, this only makes it that much harder to control. We rarely reflect, take out time to think about the actions we make. To add to it, we have the capacity of being inspired. So if we see or hear things often  enough we tend to think of it as real. We tend to loose ourselves in this flow of materialism and we don't even realize it. Our minds are bombarded with images of true happiness trying to sell you a product and it's everywhere ! Living in a city, a human mind would be registering at least 100-200 different "brands/ corporations" per day. It never stops ! Everyone is trying to sell you something ! Something with an expiry date (see: planned obsolescence). It doesn't stop at products, politicians sell themselves. Basic services like healthcare and food. Somewhere in this process of buying and selling comes the concept of "profit". Profit can't happen unless someone is at loss. So looking at the bigger picture, the corporations never loose, its always the consumer. The consumer who doesn't gain any happiness or anything else that is of true value.

I felt there must be a force in our world. That for once doesn't sell a product or service rather just wants to make people think. To make them smile and happy about being alive.  That doesn't give it's life to serve as a slave for the corporations and elite. I am a part of that force. What if instead of being reminded that my skin is not fair enough what if i'm being reminded that i already am beautiful. Instead of being reminded that i don't have a house big enough what if i'm reminded that happiness comes from within. To spread the joy of not being sold anything !

You are the sun

On the pages
of your life
I wanted
to write
my name.
To treat you
like you were me.
Like we were
the same.
But i did not.
Turns out
we are not
the same.
I would have liked
to believe
that we are one.
With no faith,
I strive
to be love
at every turn.
Consumed
by this light-less fire,
I burn.
With naked eyes,
I stare
into the sun.
As I look
up from oblivion,
I block out
the sun.
To disappear
into the night,
to erase
all that is love,
to erase
all that is light.
I look back
into darkness
for reasons.
A reason
to rise,
a reason
to fall.
A reason
to do anything at all.
A reason
to smile.
A reason
to cry.
A reason
to live.
A reason
to die.
For nothing
heals like death.
To thrive
from the ashes
of all that
I've felt.
Withering away
into the wind,
like the remains
of the letters
I burnt.
I do wish
to be loved.
I do long
to be held.
Yet I swallow
all hope.
Bury all relations,
I couldn't cope.
With secrets
that were never told.
With images
of us
growing old.
Carving these words
on my stone heart
with a knife.
This is how,
I now see
life.
I don't speak
from a place
of fear
or sadness
but it is
a solitary existence
in complete nothingness.